I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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