I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
