We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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