1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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