toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize