At least make sure they are 18
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.