I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?