He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
