Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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