I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
