the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
