Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
