ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
