normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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