the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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