yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
