Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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