Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
40s are totally the cure
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
