You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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