Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
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He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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