last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
