all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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