You made me cry and you don't even care
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
