i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
