I think I died a long time ago.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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