i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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