we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
