Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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