dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
