You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
