if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
