Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
