is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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