Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
