i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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