I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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