Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
