this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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