So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
