Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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