Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
