He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This baby is an asshole
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
