what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
