Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize