Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
