ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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