I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
