I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
