he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
