Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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