Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
