to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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