i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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