dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
