i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
