Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
