It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
