Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
