Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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