I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize