Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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