peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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