she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
