I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
