Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
